Author: kiki abuja

By Betty Hadiza Umar-Iliya

As we journey through life, it is natural for our passions and desires, especially in the realm of intimacy, to evolve. Societal perceptions, hormonal changes, and life transitions can all impact our sexual health and confidence.

We’ll share practical tips and strategies to awaken that spark, prioritise pleasure, and embrace our desires unapologetically.

Whether you’re looking to strengthen existing relationships or explore new connections, this conversation is about empowerment, self-discovery, and embracing the beautiful journey of sexuality at any age.

Let’s embark on this exciting exploration together!

Here are 20 tips for women over 40 to spice up their sex life and embrace desire:

1. Open Communication: Talk openly with your partner about desires and fantasies.

2. Explore New Activities: Try new things together, such as dance classes or cooking a new cuisine.

3. Prioritise Intimacy: Set aside dedicated time for intimacy without distractions.

4. Revisit Romance: Plan regular date nights to rekindle romance.

5. Experiment with Sensuality: Explore touch and massage to enhance physical connection.

6. Invest in Lingerie: Wear something that makes you feel confident and sexy.

7. Educate Yourself: Read books or attend workshops on sexuality and intimacy.

8. Try New Positions: Experiment with different sexual positions to keep things exciting.

9. Use Toys: Introduce sex toys to add variety and enhance pleasure.

10. Focus on Foreplay: Spend more time on foreplay to increase arousal.

11. Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness or meditation to connect more deeply with your body.

12. Maintain Physical Health: Exercise regularly to boost energy and confidence.

13. Prioritise Self-Care: Take time for activities that make you feel good about yourself.

14. Be Adventurous: Consider spontaneous encounters or trips to new locations.

15. Explore Fantasies: Share and role-play fantasies to enhance excitement.

16. Limit Stress: Manage stress through relaxation techniques to improve libido.

17. Connect Emotionally: Strengthen emotional intimacy through deep conversations.

18. Stay Curious: Keep an open mind about sexual exploration and new experiences.

19. Seek Professional Help: Consider therapy or counseling if issues arise.

20. Celebrate Your Body: Embrace and appreciate your body for its experience and wisdom.

To wrap this up, self-love is crucial for us, as it empowers us to embrace our identities, celebrate our achievements, and enhance our emotional and physical well-being.

This stage of life often involves navigating significant changes, whether they relate to career, family dynamics, or physical health. Cultivating self-love will help us prioritise our needs, fosters resilience against societal pressures, and encourages a positive body image.

By nurturing self-acceptance and compassion, we can reclaim our confidence, pursue passions, and foster fulfilling relationships, ultimately leading to a more vibrant and joyful life.

By Nkiru Ogbuli

I have had to ask myself severally and I will ask you too: why do we like to reward unruly behaviour in this part of the world? If you are prim and proper, chances are that you will always be overlooked. Even in families, the stubborn, disobedient children are always pampered and pacified while the obedient, intelligent children are neglected by their parents because they are expected to always remain the way they are. My father was the opposite of such parents though. No good behaviour went unrewarded.

Even the Nigerian state rewards grossly recalcitrant behaviours! Should we delve into how militants in the Niger-Delta region were granted amnesty and placed on salaries for doing harm to the Nigerian state, even till today? Some awarded huge contracts to protect oil installations when we have security agencies? What about ‘repentant’ Boko Haram terrorists? People who have killed and maimed innocent citizens, destroyed government facilities and rendered citizens refugees in their own countries? This could be a topic of its own to be honest.

Let me just stay in my immediate environment. I have had to challenge such baseless rewards severally. Few months ago, I attended a Real Estate event where the spokesperson of the former Labour Party Presidential candidate in the 2023 general election was called to the podium to deliver a goodwill message. Trust opposition politicians to seize every opportunity to take swipes at the incumbent administration, she dwelt extensively on what they were doing wrong. At a point, some people in the audience began to murmur, then someone began to shout her down.  “Talk to us about Real Estate not politics!”

At a point, she couldn’t go on with her speech. It took efforts from the organisers to get the unruly guy to keep it down. She was later able to complete her speech but to my greatest surprise, on her way out, she called the guy to follow her. They were ‘kiking and kakaing’ on their way out of the hall. I had to approach her. I told her she was only rewarding unruliness. She tried to explain to me and said she was also talking to me because I criticised her for giving the guy audience. Huh? She asked that I followed her out too. Of course I declined. I didn’t need to!

Weeks ago, I saw a viral tweet of how an X user tweeted in the lines of Chike not being a good musician and that it was the late Mohbad who got the former a hit song. In retaliation, Chike tweeted that the X user was hungry and that elicited a back and forth. Finally, Chike asked for his account number and sent him a whooping million Naira. My reaction was: For what exactly?! To prove what point? Would it have been a bad thing to pick 10 fans who had dropped nice words under his tweet, asked them to drop their account numbers, credit them with 100k each while the unruly X user looked on? He would have learnt a valuable lesson from that!

A few weeks ago, I also read another post about a man who went out intending to give 5 random hawkers 20k each. According to him, the plan was to first buy their products and then pay them plus extra 20k cash. The first woman he met was selling African pear in tiny baskets and each basket cost N1,000. He then asked for 5 baskets, each had less than 10 pieces arranged inside. Immediately she brought down her tray, since he couldn’t see what she was doing from inside the car, he turned on the car’s 360-degree camera and watched as she emptied 3 baskets into the nylon bag instead of 5. She quickly tied the nylon and raised her head to tell him she had added two pieces of pears as gyara and then quickly opened the back door and dropped it there.

The buyer gave her 3k and she protested with an ‘unbelievable audacity’ that her money was remaining 2k. Amazed by how such an elderly woman could tell such a petty lie with a straight face, he pointed at the dashboard screen of his car and when she saw her tray on the ground and her legs, she quickly left.

Same thing happened with a plantain seller. They had agreed 10k for a large bunch. He again turned his camera and asked the seller to put it in the trunk of the car. Before he (the seller) got to the trunk, he quickly switched the plantains and put the smaller one in the car. He went to collect his money and was asked why he switched the plantains and he swore in the name of the God of his religion that he did not. The man went to the trunk of the car, brought out the plantain, handed it back to him, and drove off with his money. He said he sent the equivalent of the 100k to his mother’s bank account and had restlessness thinking about the dog-eat-dog mindset that had become a tradition in our society.

After reading the post, I was happy that he did not reward lack of integrity by giving them the money like other people would normally do. Another person would have cited “hardship” as a reason for what transpired at the market and gone ahead to give them the money still. I call utter rubbish!

Let’s make a conscious effort to stop rewarding bad behaviours and unruliness in our spaces, well unless you are the president general of the obstreperous cartel.  People should be rewarded for being orderly and truthful among other things.  Maybe we can begin to make Nigeria a better place if people see that being good truly pays.

Have a productive week ahead.

 

By Emem Everest

Last night, my daughter walked into my room and casually asked, “Mummy, how old are you?” I replied, “43, why are you asking?” And she said, “Nothing. I was just thinking about it, and thought you are 44.”

This morning, I find myself thinking about the mixed emotions that being in our 40s bring. For many women, it’s a time of reflection, growth, and newfound confidence which allows them to reinvent themselves. At this stage, we are embracing our true selves, we are more comfortable in our own skins, we are finding joy in our passions, and most importantly, celebrating the journey that has brought us here.

We are using the experiences from the past and aspirations for the future to birth a better version of ourselves. Join me as I look into the empowering aspects of life for women over 40, why this chapter is one of the most exciting yet and why we should embrace it with pride.

1. Wisdom and Experience
For 40 years, it will be assumed that we’ve accumulated a lot of knowledge and life experiences. We’ve faced challenges, celebrated victories, and learned countless lessons along the way. This wisdom helps us to approach life with a deeper understanding and a better perspective. We are equipped to make informed decisions, and continue growing both personally and professionally.

2. Confidence
Personally, one of the most remarkable aspects of being a woman in my 40s is the confidence that comes with it! We’ve had decades to understand who we are, what we want, and what truly matters to us. This self-awareness allows us to set boundaries, pursue our dreams unapologetically, and live life on our own terms.

3. Reinventing Careers and Dreams
Many women in their 40s find this time to be perfect for career changes or pursuing passions that were previously put on hold for different reasons. Whether it’s starting a new business, going back to school, or starting a new hobby, this is a time for reinvention in all areas. I’ve gone back to school, started new businesses and generally reinvented myself in the past 3 years.

4. Relationships and Community
Relationships evolve and deepen as we age because we are intentional about the people in our circle. Our social circle is expanding and we are intentionally connecting with like-minded women who share our interests and values. These supportive communities like the Finewiners Network provide inspiration, encouragement, and a sense of belonging.

5. The Power of Saying No
Initially, when I started having the confidence to say no, it made me feel horrible. But now, I’ve learned the importance of prioritizing my needs and well-being. The ability to say no without guilt is a powerful tool! It allows me to focus on what truly matters and avoid unnecessary stress.

To all the amazing women in their 40s: This is your time. Embrace it. Celebrate it. Live it to the fullest.

By Nkiru Ogbuli

Last week Thursday, I was called to a television station to discuss the possibility of joining them as a member of staff. The idea of getting back in front of the camera after a year of been on hiatus was exciting. On getting there, I was told I was to audition. I wasn’t pre-informed. Nevertheless, I went in and killed it, even if I say so myself, but there is really no other way to put it. If you wake me up from sleep to audition in my sleepwear, on my bed, I’d still give a sterling performance. The General Manager at my former place of work calls me CNN till date. It is not for nothing. I was born for this.

After the audition, I was led in to see the CEO and other management staff who were quite impressed, noting how vast I was. I was offered a letter of employment same day. On my part, after carefully considering the terms, and remuneration, to cut the long story short, I will not be joining them, at least for now.

It got me thinking how I had always been offered employment at every private establishment I had applied to work with, some I accepted, most of them I turned down because of unfavourable terms of employment and of course remuneration. On the other hand, I have never got an offer in any government agency I have applied and the reasons are not farfetched.

With the private establishments, they want the best hands but hardly would pay the commensurate remuneration. With the government establishments, ‘man know man’ reigns supreme. It doesn’t matter if you are competent or not, just know someone there. In fact, you might still know someone but not know the main person, in which case, Oyo will still remain your case.

With that chain of thought still lingering on my mind, Saturday afternoon, I watched a lady from my village in fact my sister (I cannot marry into her family and vice-versa) from Umuikem village in Onitsha Anambra State, formerly Ebele Agbapuonwu now known as Salwa Eid  Naser mount the podium at the Olympics in Paris to receive a silver medal for the 400m for representing Bahrain.

As I saw her shed tears on the podium, I was so sure she would not have made it that far if she were representing Nigeria. In fact, she would never have had the chance to represent Nigeria for the same reason I would never be employed by the Nigerian Television Authority where you are always told are not employing but always have new staff (not like I would fancy an opportunity there as of today, but I did in the past).

Salwa Eid Naser would have never been accepted by Bahrain if she were not good. Just like no private owned establishment here in Nigeria employs mediocres. There in Bahrain, she has better resources and training facilities coupled with the fact that nobody is checking her ethnic background. All they know is that she is the best fit to represent Bahrain.

Bring that home and she would have been frustrated to retire before she even started because of lack of opportunities to become better and lack of the kind of support systems she has in Bahrain. Politics, ineptitudeness of officials, nepotism, tribalism and other related factors would have chased her out of the sport. If you doubt me, make a quick trip to Google and read about the Nigerian athletes who qualified for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics but were denied participation because Nigeria failed to pay for their Out of Competition tests. Read up!

Again, as I watched her, I wondered if her tears were partly because she was not representing the country she would have loved to represent. I also wondered about the many people who would never attain their full potentials while in this country Nigeria and without switching allegiance to another country. To be honest, I feel I am one of the many people. I hear that all the time. It truly saddens me.

I love Nigeria but I am at a point where if given the opportunity to read the news at Aljazeera on the condition of a change of nationality, I will not think about it twice. Ebele Agbapuonwu is the talent, Salwa Eid Naser is the vehicle to destination greatness. At this point, Rasheeda Ibn Salman will not be a bad name for me.

Congratulations nwannem Salwa Eid Naser.

We keep pushing. Have a pleasant week ahead.

 

By Nkiru Ogbuli

What have you heard about female friendships? That female friends are mostly fake and fickle, that the friendships are characterised by jealousy, backbiting, gossiping, scheming and conniving to take what belongs to the next female, to sum it up, that women are their own worst enemies?

You must have also heard about the friends who would get married and automatically discard their unmarried friends for fear of their husbands beings ‘snatched’ by their so called friends? Whenever this topic is discussed, I always remember this excerpt from Chimamanda Adichie’s novel Americanah:

Later he found that the House of David had a special prayer service for Keeping Your Husband, he had felt unsettled. Just as he had when he once asked why her best friend from the university, Elohor, hardly visited them, and Kosi said, “She is still single,” as though that was a self-evident reason.

Quite laughable, don’t you think?

To be honest, I could have been a poster child for females who think that they can only be friends with men, maybe one or two females, nothing more. In the past, you would see me in the midst of men, some, good decades older than I was. Truthfully, I learned a lot from one or two of them but, most of them never saw me as a friend. Let me not go into details.

I had to make a conscious effort to be around my kinds. This is not to say that I stopped having male friends. I still have a couple of wonderful male friends but males can never be the majority of friends I have.

With female friends, it is a different kind of friendship. You understand one another, you are there for one another in ways that men can not be. There are ways you can open up to females that you can not with men. I don’t think I can truly fully explain how it is.

Personally, I have had to go through somethings and my female friends helped me get through them. For instance, I went through a breakup sometime ago. I pulled through with the help of two of my friends (females). Recently, I was discussing it with one of my male friends and he found it hard to believe that something like that could shake me up badly and was inquisitive to know the timeline, to see if there were telltale signs he missed. I just laughed. There are just some vulnerabilities you just cannot express to men and I know most ladies will agree with me.

Some females would tell you that there are a lot you can gain from men that you wouldn’t get from females. Again, that tells a lot about where are you in life. Things you think you can get from being friends with men, you can get from platonic relationships with females but why should it be about what we stand to gain?

I have had to discuss discarding a guy I wasn’t feeling with someone I know and she told me to keep him around for outings. I told her I could take myself out whenever I wanted. I go to places alone too and she knows this. I also have female friends that take me fine dinning in high end restaurants assuming we are talking about food. A female friend has paid my airfares to my destination and back, these are some of the things that make girls want to hang around men, aren’t they? I have seen and heard about females who book an all expense paid vacations for their group of female friends, bought houses, cars, name it. I can only pray to be that friend.

Again, I feel like females get the short end of the stick when it comes to female friends. You could be cut off for something as little as not being in the mood to smile when you meet up with a friend. Whereas, a female would give a man who beats her blue black several chances in the name of a relationship. Perhaps this should be a totally different topic for another day.

Part of growth is being able to know that you are likely to attract what you are and so, if you feel that female friends are some of the things I listed in my opening, you might want to admit that you are some of those things and perhaps work on yourself.

My point is: do not let some of the horrible stories you have heard about female friendships stop you from having some of the most wholesome relationships you could ever have in this lifetime. Even if you have had a bad experience, that’s just what it is, an experience.

Learn to cultivate and nurture your female friendships. They are very important for our overall well-being. Prioritising and investing in female friendships requires effort, intention, and dedication. I will find time to share tips on how to prioritise your female friendships. Tips that have been helpful to me.

Do have a great week!

By Nkiru Ogbuli

This was inspired by a write-up I saw on Facebook titled: Women Should Not Be Victims by Osa Osenaga. Feel free to check her out but let me forewarn that her write-ups are not for the faint-hearted. Be that as it may, in that particular post, she  alluded that there was a time when “women thought it was cute to gather themselves in women’s only spaces, clubs, meetings, online groups just to trauma dump on one another,  by narrating stories of woe”.

She further noted how that was no longer acceptable and it got me going “Yes! Yes! Yes!” to every sentence! I reflected on every outing we have had as Finewiners Network. Every gathering has been for either a member’s celebration, say birthdays, a sit out, a fun night out, game night, etc. Sadly too, we have had outings to mourn the death of one of us. May the soul of our Queen Mother Amb. Uyi continue to rest in peace. Amen.

True to the words of the writer, there has never been a Finewiners gathering where we bonded over traumas from relationships with men. We never discuss men. Among Finewiners are women from all walks of life, some married, divorced, single, mothers, those trying to conceive etc. When we meet, none of these take center stage in our discussions. Every woman is an individual on her own.

Finewiners indeed as a sisterhood has gotten the memo that trauma dumping and bonding is so outdated and it is time each and every woman realises that it is such a waste of their precious lives living in sad situations and expecting that other women would care to listen to their sad stories about men. It is time to put on your big girl pants!

We have indeed moved past “my boyfriend beats me or my husband cheats on me with multiple women” stories. But just incase someone out there is still in that era, this is where you should practice self-preservation. 

Self preservation means that you take instinctual or intentional actions to protect yourself from harm, danger, or adversity. You have to take seriously your own well-being, safety, and survival, in response to a perceived threat or challenging situation.

It is on you to set boundaries, avoid toxic situations or relationships, prioritise your physical and mental health and seek support from loved ones or professionals in cases that are beyond you. You can engage in self-care activities, develop coping mechanisms and  decisions that align with your values and goals.

It is very important that you explore every avenue to self preserve. It is not selfish; it’s a vital aspect of self-love and self-respect. By prioritising your own well-being, you can better navigate life’s challenges and cultivate a more fulfilling existence.

That said, as Finewiners, we will be intentional about holding one another to a higher standard moving forward when it comes to self-preservation. There is always a choice! You can remove yourself from a situation that threatens your physical, emotional and financial well-being. That is not to also say you cannot share what you are going through with your Finewiners sisters but we are not about to bond over traumas. We will hold your hands to leave any situation that threatens your being. No trauma bonding, I reiterate.

 Let’s continue to create happy stories. You only need to remove people and move on from situations that make you unhappy.

My motto this year has been: If it is not serving me, it has to go. So far so good. There no room for patching and managing. Any engine that starts and quenches at intervals, needs serious repairs and I am no mechanic.

Congratulations Finewiners Network. We have all have been great. Let’s keep it up!

Have a great week ahead!

 

 

 

By Nkiru Ogbuli

Today we celebrate children in Nigeria but by extension, all over the world, from Nigeria. They are those wonderful, precious gifts God has given to us. Sometimes, we forget they are children and should remain children. We draw them into our adult drama, most times needless. We forget that they have all the time in the world to eventually become adults and create their own drama.

Children should not be made to take on excessive responsibilities. An example would be making a first child assume the role of a mother and father to their siblings,  while both parents are alive. I watched a television show called ‘Super Nanny’ and the boy, in his early teens, was visibly exhausted because he had to take care of his younger ones and didn’t have time to be a child himself. It is unfair.

Adults create a situation of emotional triangulation, where  kids are used as  messengers or confidant in adult conflicts. We allow them witness arguments or violence, which can lead to emotional distress.

Why should children be used as pawns in a situation where the center can no longer hold in a marriage or a love relationship? Children have become tools to be  manipulated or used to control or punish another adult, in this case an estranged partner. We share inappropriate information with them, exposing them to adult secrets, gossip, or intimate information. This is wrong!

Why will a child be called to bear witness in a matter between two adults? I remember a little friend (just turned 9 then) I had who used to tell me how her mother would call her to repeat the things her aunt (paternal) had said to her mother in a quarrel. She told me how her aunt would shout at her after that and I told her the next time she is called upon, to say calmly, “Can I please not say anything? This issue is between you adults.” She nodded happily. I trust ‘T’ to say so. She is an intelligent girl.

It is good to be your children’s best friends but be careful not to do a role reversal. A parent must remain a parent. A guardian must remain a guardian. Be careful not to expect children  to provide emotional support or guidance to you as a parent when you enter a “bestie(ship)” with your little ones. That’s your job.

We also allow them early exposure to adult contents like mature themes, violence, or explicit content through conversations or the media because it is a digital era, with excuses like, kids need electronic devices for assignments and for some, it is a status thing. I see no reason why a child below the age of 10 has an unhindered access to the internet.

Finally and perhaps the most saddening is the fact that parents drag their children into their conflicts with their siblings, extending the cycle of generational trauma. You go to families and see a situation where cousins have no relationship whatsoever with one another because they are being impacted by historical family conflicts, secrets, or unresolved issues. Again, this should not be so. Parents can have their conflicts if they choose to and equally ensure that their children are not part of it.

Let’s make it a point of duty and be intentional towards prioritizing and protecting children’s emotional well-being and innocence. You don’t have to be a parent to do this. Any child God has put in your care or around you, should be protected to the best of your abilities. Let’s make it a point of duty to look out for those without parents and those who have been put in the care of other adults who maltreat them (subject for another discussion entirely).

Make as many children as you can, smile today. Wishing you a lovely, fruitful week ahead.

By Nkiru Ogbuli

What a weird question,  you might be wondering. But how weird is it really? People die everyday. Everyday, it hits closer home. Everyday we are reminded how fragile life really is and so, why do you think you are immune to death?

We could pray all we want, cast and bind all we want but I can assure you that most of the people who have gone before us did pray, cast and bind too. So I ask again, how prepared are you for death?

I am not going to delve into the afterlife, where we go after death and things like that. I want to believe your Pastors, Reverends and Imams have covered that area extensively, if not, what do you go to Churches and Mosques for?

It would be sad, I reckon, from the spirit world, if there’s anything like that, to look and see your hard-earned resources in the hands of someone you would not want to have access to them. It would be sad to see your loved ones languish in penury while your resources end up in the wrong hands because you didn’t make the necessary provisions for your possessions to be transferred to people you hold dear, simply because you weren’t prepared to die. So what have you put in place to prevent that from happening?

How you would want to be committed to mother earth is also something one should prepare for or at least give instructions to that effect. What ceremonies should take place? What should be excluded? Nobody is too young to die these days.

While we prepare for death, we should also remember to live life to the fullest. See the featured image if you are in doubt what living life to the fullest entails. In other words, do the things that make you happy especially when they hurt no one. Live how you would want to be remembered too.

We should talk about death more often. We should prepare for death. I believe that if we were so vocal about death and dying, it wouldn’t be so bold to take the best of us every now and then.

Tell us in the comments, in what littlest way have you prepared for death? May you live to see your children’s children. You shouted, “Amen” didn’t you? Lol.

I called you ‘my Queen Mother’ because that was who you represented in my life. Over the last few years, you have been a mother figure to me in Abuja. You have been my big sister, friend, cheerleader, and supporter. You have advised and mentored me. I remember all the times I called to rant about different things, and you would always make me laugh and insist that it wasn’t worth it. You taught me patience and people management. Your life taught me what true humility is and how to see the good in everyone. Everything in my life and business was important to you. My NGO was your project, so you would call me to ask about the next event and encourage me to keep pushing. You were the first person I shared the Finewiners Network dream with, and without hesitation, you said, ‘I’m in.’ Even on your sick bed, you didn’t stop making plans with us.

You loved me, a total stranger, in ways I can never describe! You always looked for ways to put a smile on my face. How else can I explain you making Winnie drive you to my house even though you were in pain, just to surprise me? You laughed at me while I cried because of your pain until I pulled myself together. You loved deeply, and you taught me that in a selfish world like ours, people still loved unconditionally.

You may be gone, but you remain alive in my heart. I loved you yesterday, I love you now, and I’ll love you until we meet on Resurrection Morning. Good night, Ma.

Amb. Emem Everest

(Finewiners Network CEO)

 

It’s so hard to believe Queen Mother is not with us anymore. Her kindness and warmth were so easy to spot. 

During our January dinner, she and I wanted salad, I remember how I wanted a taste of  the creamy pasta and someone tried to stop me saying I should focus on my salad, Queen Mother’s immediate reaction made me feel very comfortable afterwards. Her love for salads, dreadlocks and the need to maintain a healthy lifestyle are things I could relate to. I remember how she shared her weight loss journey and being previously a plus size. I had noted some questions I wanted to ask her when next I see  her and it breaks my heart to think I will never see her again. May God rest her peaceful and gentle soul. Amen.

Nwuche Ekanem

 

I prayed to God for your return from abroad in good health. I prayed to God that in no distance time, you would be back on your feet and back to your bubbly self.

But we always say, ‘God knows best’ right? God knows why He chose to call you home at this time from this sinful world.

Queen Mother, I have been telling my friends that if it was about money, you wouldn’t have died. I have been telling them about your magnificent home, your neat and spacious bathroom and how I could eat inside it.

In all of the affluence, you were a simple, easy going person with no airs whatsoever about you.

Rest Queen Mother, rest in perfect peace in a mansion more than any earthly mansions.

Nkiru Ogbuli

 

I remember meeting you at our Ladies’ Hangout for the first time… and I was amazed at how sweet and down-to-earth you were!

I remember you sharing your health tips with us and admonishing us to eat clean for our bodies deserve it. I remember you inviting us to a pool party at your home at our convenience.

I remember you smiling all through and posing for pictures with us…

I was amazed!!!

Truly, you lived up to the title of “A Queen Mother”.

May your soul continue to rest in peace.

Emem Honey

I just typed a very long sad writeup in tears and next thing I couldn’t find it to send. If that’s not. Sign, then I don’t know…

I was gonna come from a place of hurt but I will not.

QUEEN MOTHER as she is fondly called was a role model, a friend, a mother, a confidante. She brought light to everyone around her. Her genuity showed in her action. Her faith in God and Humanity is worth emulating.

I am not one to easily make friends or socialize with new people which is the reason I joined Finewiners, but I found myself wanting to be this woman’s friend because of her realness and plain genuine care. She always gave a listening ear.

I will miss her truly and I pray to meet her again in the next Life. (If there’s anything like that).

God help me today (but I’ll try). I thank God for the life she lived, the souls she touched and the family she left behind.

Until we meet again QUEEN MOTHER.

Queen Odion

We are celebrating you so I am not here to write sad stories. Just to let you know that I love you as you loved me right from when I was a baby. I grew up in front of you and you taught me a lot of things. “To be very humble even to a child.” OWO IDEM as you like to call me. I am happy we spent your last moments together. I know you are now an angel watching over me. Rest well.

Offiong

As beautiful as you were, that is how your heart was. Ever since I met you all you wanted was to draw me close and your good intentions towards me was greatly felt.

I thank God that He used you to touch a lot of lives because all the testimonies are a proof that indeed your presence was felt.

Keep resting in the Lord’s bosom mama we will greatly miss you but your memories live with us.

Aniefiok Warrie

By Nkiru Ogbuli

I read something on Facebook this afternoon. It happens all the time but what would you do in a situation like this? You, being non-members of Finewiners Network that would read this article because I want believe that this is not even a question to pose to Finewiners.

The poster wrote about how a friend of hers would patronize their hotel and pay. Sometimes she protested and so, the guy would just go ahead to pay without consulting her since he already had the account number.

On that faithful day, he paid and told her he had made payment. She then asked him the account number he paid to and that was how they found out he had paid to a wrong account number. Long story short, the account owner refused to refund the money, insults were exchanged and she (the recipient) blocked them everywhere they tried to contact her.

Same thing happened to me last year but the outcome was totally different. I collect and pay out a weekly contribution.  I was to pay someone that Sunday. I can’t remember how much exactly but it was quite a lot. Seeing as it was a Tiv name, I assumed it was either the recipient’s sister or girlfriend since the guy is Tiv. I transferred the money and told him I had done so. The guy quickly responded that he hadn’t received the money. My heart skipped two beats. Apparently, I had made a mistake with one of the numbers. I checked the number he sent again, saw his name and made a transfer to him. I didn’t want any ‘she said, he said’ and thankfully, I had money too.

He then called and told me I could reach the person on the number since Opay account numbers are phone numbers.

I called twice, no response. I began to mourn the loss of my money while consoling myself.  I also left a message. Almost immediately, she replied, saying she was in Church and that she would call me when she was out of there. I waited anxiously.

Not up to an hour later, she called me and asked for my account number, explaining that she got an alert and thought it was one of her customers. She is a printer by the way.

She sent the money to me and I sent back a token. No stress! Janet is her name. I saved it as ‘Good citizen Janet’ and anytime I get an opportunity to nominate someone for an award for integrity, I would nominate Janet.

I would have done the same thing, make no mistake about it. I can not imagine taking someone’s hard earned money. My conscience will never let me rest if I do that.

Ask yourself sincerely, what would you have done?

Don’t add to the misery in the world as it is already. Do the right thing always.