Author: kiki abuja

Finewiners Network Advisor Sophie Ejelue has emerged Whova App Queen at the just concluded International Women Leadership Conference (TIWLC) 2024 hosted by the Ibukun Awosika Leadership Academy in far away Dubai in the United Arab Emirates.

The keenly contested position had 476 women on the App vie for the conveted Whova Queen crown. The purely merit based selection process was scaled down to just 10 women using Connectivity and powerful Engagements as yardsticks.

It is worthy of note that this is the first time a Nigerian will be taking the prestigious award with Sophie Ejelue emerging with a record breaking one million, forty-seven thousand, two hundred (1,047,200) points having engaged 476 women on the platform.

The International Women Leadership Conference which saw the convergence of over 600 women from across Africa and all over the globe, had women building on the three pillars of Knowledge, learning as much as possible, Power, leveraging on the power of connectivity to engage intellectually with one another and Fun, in the engagements and problem solving.

 

By Nkiru Ogbuli 

Dr. Adaora Umeoji was appointed the Managing Director of Zenith Bank PLC. This made many women including myself happy. Profoundly happy as if she were a relative of mine. There’s something about seeing women in positions of authority. Women who ‘slay’ especially. It is refreshing. I had seen Dr. Adaora up close at a wedding last year. Pure elegance, pure class, pure perfection. Another woman I always admired was Dieziani Alison-Madueke with a portfolio like the Petroleum Ministry? That was something! The woman was beautiful with her unique style headgear and red lipstick. I am sure that was Ruby Woo. Let’s just stop there.

Back to Dr. Adaora. As many sane people, both men and women were rejoicing, some nonentities were making asinine comments on the matter. One very foolish human said he was no longer going to take the Bank seriously because they had appointed ‘someone who looked like a hook up girl.’ I shouldn’t be giving that rascal any more attention but I am going somewhere with this.

Have you seen this woman’s profile? It made me feel like I hadn’t started anything but because data is cheap, a ‘cretin’ sat behind his keyboard and typed absolute rubbish. Tomorrow when he is picked up, people will come out to tell us how he has a pregnant wife and children to feed. There were others too, many I am sure, swallowed theirs like the way you swallow hard eba without soup. You would think her impressive resumè, all the years of hardwork and self improvement culminating to her well deserved appointment would make her immune to those. Does this not tell you you are not special?

Another set of people did a picture mix of Dr. Adaora’s picture with that of Blessing CEO and captioned it: “Choose Your CEO.” I ask, should one woman’s elevation provide an avenue to tear down another? Have you ever seen that happen when a man is appointed to any position? Even fellow women were sharing that meme and I ask again, how unthinking can we be? Sharer, did you think you were special? You are a woman and you are just an event away from being made caricature of. Blessing CEO, love her or hate her has made her mark. Is it easy to speak with such eloquence on several topics? Even with the internet bants once in a while, you can not write her off!

I like to go out when I want to go out. I try not to let anybody make me cancel a planned outing. If they cancel last minute, I am still going even if it means alone. Now Friday came, I had agreed with one of my male friends to go dancing. He had to cancel because he closed really late from work. I headed out alone. Got to a lounge I was used to going to. They had revamped. In the past, it was a place everybody was welcome to. Ladies could be seen there scouting for men. I liked the place because they play good music and everybody danced not minding the next person. On that day, each table I went to, I was told was reserved. I had to call one of the waitresses to tell her I was there on my own and was going to buy my own drinks and food. I stopped short of showing the money and ATM card in my bag. She finally gave me a place to sit but by then, I was pissed off and left. On my way out, it dawned on me that I was not any special because I didn’t go there with a man. Even if I had 1 million Naira to spend that night, I was not special.

I proceeded to another location, ordered my food and drinks and was watching the entertainers. After they had performed, they came to my table. That’s how they make money, by going from table to table, collecting whatever anybody had to offer them. I told them to give me time to finish eating. When I finished, only one guy returned and I gave him money. By that time, a lady was on stage performing. I made up my mind to give her double of what I had given the guy, women supporting women sort of thing, also as a lone performer who had done well. The lady finished performing, went from table to table but bypassed mine. I was sure she saw me as a ‘lady of the night’ that was out hustling too since I was seated alone. She saved me money but I was stereotyped twice the same night. I was once again reminded that I was not any special.

We need a mentality overhaul in this country when it comes to the way women are seen and perceived but until then, my dear woman, you are not special.

WHEN THE OTHER WOMAN BECOMES AN ALLY

By Nkiru Ogbuli 

I had the most splendid weekend. Part of the reasons for that, was because I spent my Saturday evening watching the movie ‘The Colour Purple’ with some of my sisters in the Finewiners Network at a private cinema. Who would have ever thought Abuja had one of those?

Again, going to see a movie ordinarily, isn’t my idea of fun but did I love this experience? It took a while for us to agree on the movie to watch. I for one, was against seeing ‘The Colour Purple’ simply because it had been described as a movie in which a woman went through severe hardship…‘Hardship again in a movie? As if the one we were facing in the country wasn’t enough?’ was my initial reaction but thank God we finally settled for it.

By the end of the movie, it was money and time well spent! Love, hope, faith, grace, compassion, courage, perseverance, determination, strength, sisterhood, friendship, etc. These were some take homes from the movie.

Not to be a spoiler for some of you who are yet to watch but how would you react to a sultry looking side chick who moves into your home with the full support of your husband and one who you have to wait on hand and foot? Inconceivable right? The side chick would have been dead on the first night right? And you on your way to jail? Lol.

I remember during the movie, someone said side chicks were only out to take over. Shug Avery wasn’t one of those. She formed a bond with Celie (the wife or glorified house girl) and she became instrumental to helping Celie get out of the sham of a marriage. You see, Celie had gone through a lot of abuse all her life in the hands of someone she thought was her father and now in the hands of her so called husband who she had no say whatsoever in marrying. She would have been justified if she had taken any drastic action when that (side chick situation) happened.

Women and girls now listen. When a man tries to get you into the triangulation situation with another female, he does that to feed his own ego. Never fall into the trap of fighting your fellow woman about that. I don’t care if it is a husband. This is 2024 and we should be wiser. Your issue is never with the other woman. It should be with the person you made your vows with or the person who you are in a relationship with if it is a boyfriend.

Enjoy what you can from the situation and leave with your head held up high when it is  time. Again, the other woman is not the enemy. I know it has been said severally that wives should never contact their husbands’ side chicks, I agree too but what if your paths cross somehow and you sit down together, talk like reasonable people and work together?

I am that open minded before you ask me to wait till I find myself in such a position.  What can’t a mature, civil conversation solve? Or do I hear you say side chicks can’t be reasoned with? Why can’t we be Shug Averys and Celies in real life?

This is just a talking point from the movie. It has so many. One thing for sure is that when us women put aside our differences and work together, we will achieve a lot.

If you saw the movie on Saturday, or have seen the movie, tell us what you took home from it.

Do have a great week!

YOU ARE NOT BEHIND

By Nkiru Ogbuli 

The International Women’s Day 2024 may have come and gone but the day has left so many positives that will continue to yield results for a long time to come.

As you know, Finewiners Network also celebrated the day in grand style with amazing speakers impacting attendees from their wealth of knowledge so much so that if we start to talk about everything we heard and learnt, one blog post will most certainly not be enough.

One thing I would like to tell you reading this is that it is time to move on from what might have been and face the future squarely! It is easy to dwell on the past trust me, but what good will that do you?

As humans, there can be that temptation to think about the fact that your peers have gone far ahead in life and that you are behind but are you really? According to whose timetable?

Recall the story of the last speaker at the event, Tinuola Adigun, who for 11 good years couldn’t gain admission into the university, how she saw her secondary school classmates who from their complimentary cards appeared to have made something out of their lives. To cut the long story short, today, Tinuola is not only a graduate but a masters degree holder, owner of a company and businesses doing well for herself.

Let that motivate you. I am motivated. You are not behind in life. Get up and do something while you still can. Get yourself ready for when it is time for you to be included. Oh yes! The time will come. Be prepared. Get all the tools you need for when that time comes. For now, take it one day at a time.

Let’s shun competition and lean towards collaboration. There’s a lot women can achieve when they come together. The world is waiting for us.

I am rooting for you. I am rooting for me too. Have a great week ahead.

By Nkiru Ogbuli 

If I had a dollar for every time someone talks about the hardship in Nigeria, I would easily be a millionaire from that alone because how much is the dollar to a Naira today? But, sadly, I might not be able to afford a lot as I would have say two, three years ago or even a year ago because the prices of items keep increasing by the hour.

Imagine that as a seller, you tell your customer the price as you know it then the next hour put a call through to your supplier and he or she tells you the exact price you told your customer. Meaning no profit for you or worse still, when you have sold all your goods and have to replace but you have to source for extra money in order to be able to get more goods because the prices have quadrupled.

Buyers too, prices are increasing and incomes have remained static. The fact of the matter remains that we must find ways to cope and make life better and more meaningful regardless of whatever the situation is.

Here are some tips you might find helpful in this regard:

1. Bulk Buying: I know some might say it is only those who have money who can buy in bulk. True but there are also times we come into cash too. Say you are booked for a job you never expected, or you collect an ‘ajo’. The best bet is to buy whatever you can in bulk. I’m not trying to be a doomsday prophet, but prices are just going to keep soaring unless something drastic is done. Let me not go into how wicked some of us are, selling old stocks at outrageous prices and inflating prices unnecessarily.

2. Enough of the Brands: Have you noticed that some brands are unnecessarily more expensive than others who offer the same thing or even better? Time to ditch those big names. If they had you in mind they would have considered over pricing their goods. I wish I could list some brands but I am not about to do free advertising. Consider this when next you are at the supermarket unless of course this economy has nothing on you.

3. Go to an Actual Market: Again, this is not for everybody. If you know you are ‘Gucci’ please remain shopping in the supermarkets and malls. There’s the time factor too. If you don’t have the time, it is understandable but for people who are on a budget, roll those trousers up and comb the markets. Not the outer parts of the market now. I had an experience last two weeks and I am really done with shopping at the periphery of markets unless of course I don’t have the time.

4. In Order of Importance: This is not the time to be frivolous. I know that nobody can dictate how a person spends their hard earned money but are unnecessary show-offs that Important to you when people are dying of hunger? Think about it. Aside that, people who on a budget must know what to do away with from their shopping lists. I stopped buying a particular canned fish when it became 500 Naira. Who knows how much it is today? Not like I care because the only way I am eating it is if it is given to me free. I have also stopped going to the tailor’s weekly. I can not begin to tell you how much that has saved me. I will repeat my clothes, after all they are mine.

5. Beneficial Friendships/Companies: Earlier this year, I took stock of the people I had surrounded myself with the previous years. I knew something just got to give. Users had to go. There are people who use others for their moxie, aura, intellectual capabilities, education, money etc. Check what they give in return, next to nothing. So it might be time to check people around you too. You don’t need Debbie Downers. The situation is already biting as it is. Make it a point of duty to surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. You also need people who you can trust to come to your aid when necessary and even people you can really open up to. A problem shared they say, is a problem solved.

6. Go Out Only When Necessary: I had thought that with the Covid-19 era, we had learned that not everyone has to be in the streets or at the workplace to be productive. Obviously not. Employers who have done next to nothing to cushion the effects of the hardship still insist on their workers going to work everyday. Kudos to the Lagos State Government in this regard. The fact remains that you could be indoors and still be as productive as the person at the workplace if not better. Time to research on remote work. Put that hidden talent to good use. Let’s not roam the streets aimlessly. I don’t need to remind you of the cost of transportation or fuel. If it is not yielding any profit, stay home but if your livelihood depends on your stepping out of the house, then by all means.

7. Extra Sources of Income: If there has ever been a time when you need an extra source of income, now is the time. It doesn’t necessarily have to be something that rakes in millions. If it does, all good. Like I said earlier, incomes have remained static. You need something extra to augment your salary. Now is time to learn that skill. Better to get your ‘urgent 2k’ from extra work than be known as a beggar.

8. What Floats Your Boat?: To borrow our CEO’s line, what floats your boat? Do it then! You just have to find a way to stay afloat during these times. The heat too is something else so find ways to relax and calm your nerves. Don’t be given to too much worrying and stress. Don’t worry over what you don’t have control over. If you like to dance and listen to music, find time to indulge within the limits of your resources. It could be at home, out with friends, wherever. Do what makes you happy as long as it hurts no one.

Lastly, in everything you do, put God first and ask Him for guidance, after all, He is your Maker. Trust Him and hand over your worries to Him. Do not fear or fret. People die just from fear of situations. This economic situation is capable of causing immense fear. Do your best and leave the rest to God. Just don’t be lazy and expect manner to fall from heaven. Stay positive always!

Tell us in the comments which of the tips you hope to apply and what other measures you have adopted on your own to cope with this ‘hardship’.

Have a great week ahead!

 

WHAT FLOATS YOUR BOAT?

By Emem Everest 

It’s been a while! Being able to finally write is so delightful. I have not written in a while, not because of lack of time, but due to lack of inspiration. I often sit down and open my laptop to write but come up with nothing. I wonder how professional writers manage to overcome this obstacle.

What do you do for fun? What floats your boat? Yesterday, I attended a meeting with a group of women mostly over the age of 40. We discussed planning some fun activities to help us unwind throughout the year. Some ideas were swimming, movie night, workouts, etc. We agreed to go swimming this week before the rain starts, but one person jokingly objected to wearing bikinis, saying that most of us have big tummies. This reminded me of a friend who suggested we go clubbing, but I declined as I prefer to be in bed by 8 pm.

A few years ago, I was a night crawler, and clubbing was a fun activity, but not anymore. These days, on a good day, I’m usually in bed by 8 pm, so clubbing is not an option.

I don’t even go to the movies anymore because the seats in the cinemas are too uncomfortable. Instead, I prefer staying in bed and watching movies on Netflix. I love lunch or dinner dates, game nights, hangouts, art gallery visits, picnics, paint & sip, sightseeing, pottery making, and any other fun activities as long as I’m home by 10 pm.

On the other hand, I’m happy to go swimming wearing a bikini. In fact, I will only cover up with a shawl or kimono when I’m out of the water because of the other pool guests. At 43, I’ve accepted that I’ll never have a flat tummy again, so I can only work towards a healthy heart through my lifestyle. If I want to wear a bikini, I’ll wear a bikini, irrespective of my tummy size. It is what it is!

If you’re still up for clubbing at 40, go for it! If you are comfortable wearing a bikini to the pool, don’t let anyone else’s opinion stop you. But if you’re like me and prefer a good book and a cup of chamomile tea at 8 pm, that’s perfectly fine too.

Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you are not defined by social norms. You’ve probably gone halfway through your lifespan, live life on your terms, and do what makes you happy, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.

CHOOSING QUESTIONABLE ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS OVER  GENUINE FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS

By Nkiru Ogbuli 

Make a quick search on Google for ‘Types of people you can not advise’ and top on the list will be ‘A woman in love’. There are several videos online too about this. Once in a while, one is tempted to ask if it is really being in love or foolishness.

I feel really blessed to have a few female friends who I would ring at any point to rant, gossip, laugh, bounce ideas off each other, etc. Friends who would gas you up, lift your spirits when you feel down, just be there for you when you need them. I cannot in a million years trade them for any man who does nothing to make my life easier.

I remember meeting a lady through a mutual friend and we took a special liking to one another. Within a short period of time, we were freely conversing  with each other. She told me a couple of times how happy she was to have met me. She was also open about a guy she had been with  for 9 years. Let’s just say the guy is unavailable if you get what I mean and she had nothing to show for it.

In her defence though, they had been in a relationship before he became ‘unavailable’ without letting her know until after a while. The story is not palatable but I kept encouraging her to leave him. He was nothing but pure wicked to her. She was in love I guess. Was that even love or foolishness? Like I said, for the most, it was wickedness from an intimate partner.

Last Christmas, she invited us friends to the house the man gave her to stay rent free just to get away from paying her rent and paying for hotels I am sure. Christmas day? I thought she was feeling lonely and left all the orishirishi at home to go be with her. On getting there, madam was frantic, overwhelmed by the cooking, I thought.  Cooking can be so tedious coupled with the fact that us guests were already arriving. In fact, some women from her office were already there eating.

My guess was wrong. Turned out oga was coming and had said he didn’t want to see anyone there. How? Didn’t she know the man was coming? Didn’t she know he was the type that didn’t care to see anyone around her? All these and many more questions I kept asking our mutual friend who was already there. Well, it turned out she knew and thought she could ‘discharge’ us before the man arrived at hers.

I had to ask her why she invited us to which she replied that she wanted us to come and eat. Eat? On a Christmas day of all days? With my ‘baff up’ thinking we would go out (maybe dancing) after spending sometime at her place? Auntie insisted we got ready to leave and I told her that was not happening. At that point, it was just two of us friends left. Others had gone.

He came, greeted us and rolled into the bedroom. We continued to gist in the sitting room. Madam would come out at intervals to playfully tell us to go. In fact, not so playfully. She needed us to leave. According to her, “My man is not comfortable.” Even when we were in the sitting room? It was approaching 7pm when I told my other friend we should take our leave.

She wrote me on WhatsApp telling me not to be angry and later deleted it. You know how you see a notification for a message you receive but haven’t opened the message itself? Well, that marked the end of that short lived friendship.

Correct me if I am wrong but I don’t know of any man who would sacrifice a beneficial friendship (when I say beneficial, I know what I mean) for a love interest but women do this all the time. Note that that was a festive day. The man could have sacrificed that day for her or even gone with the flow. She should have also told the man that she couldn’t make her close friends leave after all, she herself had invited them, not to even mention that he is an ‘unavailable’ man who hardly had time for her.

I would have understood if she were a married woman but a married woman would also have consulted with her husband before inviting people to their home on Christmas day. Married people entertain guests on festive days, don’t they?

In my last relationship, the guy would make sure to ask me about my friends whenever we met and ask when we were all going to get together. In fact, even the ones he had not met but had heard about from me, he would always inquire about their well-being. If that is not endearing, I don’t know what is.

Any man who would want to alienate you from your female friends almost always has nothing good in store for you and has something sinister up his sleeves. Check out the stories of abuse and even killings of female partners. You find out that they start by making the ladies discard their friends. Some friendships built over the years.

The harder things get in the country, the more you realise the value of your close female friends and good friends in general, people who mean well for you. Do not throw them away for a man who wouldn’t be there in the long run and wouldn’t do same for you with his own friends. If you are already experiencing same, find the courage to say no and back out if necessary. What you allow will continue and might not end well.

Have you had any experience with a friend choosing their boyfriends or even husbands (some husbands are just nothing to write home about) over your friendship with them? Do share in the comment section.

Have a productive week with less stress.