By Nkiru Ogbuli
I’ve had time to think about this. As women and girls, we have been sold a lie for the longest time.
Cast your mind back to when you were growing up. Didn’t you hear things like, for the Igbo people, “Oge nwanyi na’aga aga.” Meaning, ‘A woman’s time is fleeting.’
Surely you must have heard something in those lines. And they came mostly from older women! They had also bought the lies they had been sold over the years but, in their defence, there wasn’t much to discredit what they had been told.
In this day and age, if you still believe that your time is ephemeral, then there isn’t much anybody can do for you. The truth is that women evolve. Even the biological clock question has been answered through advances in medical technology innovation. It is now a question of having the wherewithal to pay for such things.
As far as I am concerned, the woman I am now is far better than the woman I was, say 10+ years ago but misogynists would tell you I was better then. Better perhaps because I could be manipulated and deceived. Quite laughable. 10+ years ago, I had left University but still couldn’t tell you who I was or where I was headed. All I knew was I was book smart and just wanted a job and in getting that job, make money, nothing more.
Nkiru Ogbuli of today is in between regular jobs but there is nothing you could tell me to bamboozle me. I’m not talking money. I am talking self-development, self-awareness, self-confidence etc. If I were made to face the President of Nigeria today and speak on issues affecting women, or express any other opinion of mine, I would, without stuttering. Not 10+ years ago. I wouldn’t have conceived this thought!
That’s what age does to you as a woman. You have experience, wisdom, knowledge, strength, confidence, skills and above all the awareness of self. I doubt I could have been totally hoodwinked 10 years ago but I doubly doubt you could even begin to think about it now.
The other day, a guy was attempting to “know me better”. He was asking all the sex related questions and that kind of vibe had taken over the conversation and I liked it too (10 years ago, I wouldn’t have admitted to liking such a conversation) but at some point, to redirect the discussion, I asked him to ask deeper questions. He then asked what my values, goals, dreams, aspirations and ambitions were.
Not deep enough for me but 10 years ago, I couldn’t have confidently answered. 10 years ago, I would have just fled! I would have concluded the guy was just after sex. Who cares what he is after now? It is about me these days. I make bold to say that it is what I want that would happen.
I am in tune with my whole being, sexuality included. I have embraced it and can talk freely about it and I will choose who to talk about it with. That’s another thing age blesses women with. The sexual desire and the ability to reject what you don’t care to be bothered with.
One might also be tempted to ask if it is every woman who would evolve thus. The answer is an empathic yes! If they want to. I was shy and borderline timid growing up. If I could evolve, every woman can.
Throw away all the lies you have been sold and live life as authentically as you can. Refuse to be held back by whatever age long misogynistic views you have heard for too long.
Grow, evolve and blossom. Your value doesn’t diminish with age but if you insist, then I, Nkiru Ogbuli am not in your category, unapologetically.
Have an awesome week!
How do I like this several times? I absolutely agree with you. And yes, every woman can grow, evolve and blossom. As a matter of fact, we should naturally get better, just like fine wine.
I completely agree with you. Your value doesn’t diminish with age. As you age you should allow yourself to evolving.
I love this. The only permanent thing in life is change.