Category: Our Blog

A women’s empowerment group in Abuja, Finewiners Network, has concluded plans for a medical outreach that will see its members donate medical supplies to Nyanya General Hospital in commemoration of Saturday’s International Women’s Day (IWD) celebration.
International Women’s Day (IWD), celebrated every March 8, is a global day celebrating women’s social, economic, cultural and political achievements. It also marks a call to action to accelerate women’s equality.

The group’s president, Emem Everest, said her members are celebrating the IWD at Nyanya General Hospital during which pre-natal and post-natal items, and neonatal items, would be donated and also pay the medical bills for some less privileged female patients.
Before now, the group’s president said its activities were limited to empowering market and petty traders to support their families but decided this year to also reach out to hospitals to support needy women patients.

“It is the first of its kind in our activities. Before now, we visited orphanages, and communities for outreach but decided to do something different this year. We will be going to Nyanya General Hospital to donate medication and other items needed in hospitals”, stated Emem.

“We also want to pay some hospital bills of women on admission or outpatients who are not financially buoyant. We will also give ante-natal and prenatal items to the hospital. We have started donating towards that event and our goal is to make some women happy in commemoration of International Women’s Day”.

The Network, which is in its second year and has grown from five friends of like minds to over 30 members between the ages of 35 and 40, focuses on sisterhood, to lift women to support their families.

The Network, championed by Emem who started with an NGO in 2019, is a business group where members pool resources to empower women, especially market and rural women.

“From the NGO days which have always been supported by my four friends with whom I started this Network, we have trained over 500 women. We train and support 50 women at a go and have been doing this since 2019” noted Emem who said her husband is her number one supporter.
Speaking on the idea behind the group, Emem who grew up in a communal environment in Uyo, Akwa Ibom state noted that her late father was always settling quarrels over money between husbands and wives and decided to be a blessing to her husband and the womenfolk, especially those who have nothing to do.

“My late father happened to be the family head at a time, and most of the time people do come to our compound to settle fights. And being the last born of the family, I had the opportunity of sitting down and hearing them all. And over time, I realised that the cause of the fights was money. And the issue is that either my aunties or cousins’ wives stay at home with nothing to do. The husbands were the only ones footing the bills and other responsibilities.

“And then I looked at my parents who were working and both, contributing and providing for the house. So rarely will you see them fight on issues concerning money. And since that time, as a child, I wanted to make my own money.

“And from the day I got married, I knew I had to support my husband and the house. And because I have kids and may not be able to do the 8 to 5 pm jobs and attend to the home front, I decided to do businesses I can do from the comfort of my home”.

She said Finewiners, besides being an empowerment group, is also business-oriented, making money for its members.
“We encourage members to contribute money which we pool and invest in different businesses. We do this because there are businesses, we do for which only one person can’t provide the seed money, but we can do by pooling resources together”.

By Nkiru Ogbuli

It happened twice, maybe thrice. Each time, I forgot boiling water for hours, with potentially disastrous consequences. At first, I suspected pregnancy brain, but I waved that off quickly. The math didn’t add up.

Then, I stumbled upon a video discussing grief memory, and my search led me to “grief brain.” It’s a phenomenon where grief rewires our brain, affecting memory, cognition, and concentration.

I realised that my recent loss had impacted my mental state more than I acknowledged. A friend pointed out my ineffective communication, which shocked me, as I pride myself on being an excellent communicator.

Determined to heal, I explored ways to overcome grief brain. Some suggestions included:

– Counseling or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

– Support groups

– Journaling

– Meditation

– Exercise

– Yoga or martial arts

– Creative hobbies like drawing, knitting, or writing

I started gratitude journaling with the help of an app, and it’s been fascinating and helpful. I intend to take it one day at a time.

Remember, you’re not alone in your struggles. Resist the urge to dwell on the problem. Find ways to cope, and make the most of life.

Do have a great week!

 

 

By Nkiru Ogbuli

On December 15, 2024, members of the Finewiners Network gathered at the Millennium Park Abuja for a vibrant colour theme picnic, marking the end of the year. The event was a testament to the organisation’s commitment to unity, motivation, and reward.

Each attendee came dressed in their chosen colour, bearing baskets filled with an assortment of edibles and drinks to match. The atmosphere was electric, filled with laughter and camaraderie.

In her opening remarks, Finewiners Network CEO, Amb. Emem Everest, expressed gratitude to God for the group’s unity and members’ well-being, despite the challenges faced. She thanked the members for their unwavering support and commitment, encouraging them to continue striving for excellence in 2025.

The event featured a unique gift-sharing activity, where members took turns selecting items from each other’s baskets, embodying the spirit of love and sharing.

The ceremony also included a three-category award presentation, recognising members’ outstanding dedication to the Network’s ideals. The Beehives team emerged victorious in the group category, receiving cash gifts for their efforts.

The CEO’s Award of Excellence was bestowed upon Aniefiok Warrie (Head of Public Relations), Nkiru Ogbuli (Head of Media and Communications), and Hadiza Betty Umar (Head of Programmes). Aniefiok Warrie and Nkiru Ogbuli along with Omotunde Adebayo (Head of Marketing) and Dorcas H. Gyet, also received the Finewiners Network Award.

A special award was presented to Dr. Charles Orifa, a member of the Finewiners Network Board of Directors, for his tireless support of the Network’s activities.

The celebration concluded with members enjoying a lavish spread of food and drinks, and each attendee received a gift courtesy of the Finewiners Network.

Click here for sights and sounds of the event:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/16GkvvSEuR1sjaJCxrmwQCcsnGNcq_DTC

By Nkiru Ogbuli

We can all agree that at certain points in our lives, Monday mornings were the scariest part of the week. Whether it was as a little child in primary school, or as a teenager in secondary school, as a higher institution student, a Youth Corps member, a newly employed worker or even as an entrepreneur running ones own business, it seemed as though we could and for some, still can never catch a break from the hustle and bustle that characterise Monday mornings.

An unemployed person is not left out because such a person might still live in fear of waking up to another day of idling away while others go about their “productive busy lives”.

It takes an intentional shift of mindset to overcome that fear, if not, one might live in perpetual trepidation of what is supposed to be a very normal day, till retirement.

The Beehives group of the Finewiners Network as part of their Monday tasks, asked Finewiners what their go-to Monday survival tips were, while reminding them that they were strong, resilient, and fierce. Finewiners were also encouraged to keep their shoulders back, chest out, and heads up as they tackle the week head on.

Enjoy the read!

Queen:

“My Monday mornings are not always hectic because I don’t do a 9-5 but if I have to be out on Monday for business, my survival tip would be keeping my eyes on the prize (my payment after the job).

“Every bill I need to pay, will be my motivation to go out there and give my best.”

Kiki:

“For me, I demystified Monday a long time ago.

“Instead of getting worked up as Monday approached during my regular work days, I always told myself it was just like every other day of the week. A senior friend had as his slogan “I love my Mondays!” I adopted that.

“These days, I shift my activities to say Wednesdays and Fridays leaving Mondays as free as possible.

“So survival tip is: Just see Monday as every other day of the week. It takes the pressure and anxiety off of you.”

Omotee:

“Honestly, I wish I could just sleep in and have someone make all the money for me.

“But in reality, my survival tips are rooted in faith. I start my week with Psalm 91, 121, and 23, and tune in to Pastor Jimmy’s Monday morning prayer.

“For me, prayer is the ultimate key to surviving and thriving throughout the week. With a heart full of faith and optimism, I’m confident that the week will be blessed and work in my favor.”

Winnie:

“Nothing wakes me up faster and gets me alert like coffee especially on a Monday morning when I need to figure out how the rest of the week will go… of course pairing it with moist French Toast and Sunny Side Eggs my way, seals the mood in.

In essence, it is food for me.”

Emem:

“I totally agree with Kiki. Mondays are mostly a free day for me. I hardly do anything on Mondays unless it is absolutely necessary. When we make it special, we mount pressure on ourselves. Like today, I have a meeting by 12noon and I’m back home. Soft life on Monday.”

Faith:

“Mondays are stressful for me, but I tackle them head-on!
My Monday routine starts, from 8am school runs to 5pm office hours and back.

“My trusty motto keeps me going: “Believe you can and you’re there.””

Blessing:

“Mondays are a scare for me honestly. I always wish it can be postponed.”

Hadiza:

“Life is but for the living. As much as I can, I will work and not take chances. I will grab every good opportunity given to me to excel.

“I will keep pushing and striving, believing God for favour and speed for accomplishment of all my life goals.

“Then in between, I try to balance work and family life with a little bit of me time. I can’t **** myself.”

Keren:

“Mondays are hectic for me. We have trainings at the office.

“I start my week with prayers listening to Pastor Jerry Eze and Pastor Selman. I am also a worshipper feeding my spirit with the scripture Jeremiah 29:11.

“Words of affirmations are a ritual for me with my green tea or turmeric milk by the side.”

Aniefiok:

“My Monday is in the office. Though I am on my annual leave I had to still come today to finish an unfinished job I had on my desk and to meet up with Faith for a personal stuff.”

Uche:

“My ideal Monday survival tip is to start the day with a positive routine. I prepare for Monday on Sunday evening by organising what I’ll need for the day. I make sure to get enough sleep.

“On Monday mornings, I start with a short workout while listening to gospel music, I pray and meditate, I keep a positive mindset because Mondays offer the chance to refocus and set the tone for a productive week.”

Lizzy:

“Fortunate enough, I look forward to every Monday. For me, Mondays are my best days because it determines how the rest of the week flow for me.

“My go-to Monday morning survival tip is: As the week is a fresh start, full of new opportunities and challenges, I believe in myself and the abilities to explore, so I get things ready on Sunday to kick start my week.

“I do my daily morning devotion to usher myself spiritually, and do school runs in the morning before leaving for business/work, so that help me survive the pressure that comes with Monday.”

Whatever Monday morning means to you, remember you have the power to control and steer your days the way you want to. It starts with having the right mindset and actually believing that you are in control. Remember to do what works for you as everybody’s reality is not the same.

Break a leg!

By Nkiru Ogbuli

I’ve had time to think about this. As women and girls, we have been sold a lie for the longest time.

Cast your mind back to when you were growing up. Didn’t you hear things like, for the Igbo people, “Oge nwanyi na’aga aga.” Meaning, ‘A woman’s time is fleeting.’

Surely you must have heard something in those lines. And they came mostly from older women! They had also bought the lies they had been sold over the years but, in their defence, there wasn’t much to discredit what they had been told.

In this day and age, if you still believe that your time is ephemeral, then there isn’t much anybody can do for you. The truth is that women evolve. Even the biological clock question has been answered through advances in medical technology innovation. It is now a question of having the wherewithal to pay for such things.

As far as I am concerned, the woman I am now is far better than the woman I was, say 10+ years ago but misogynists would tell you I was better then. Better perhaps because I could be manipulated and deceived. Quite laughable. 10+ years ago, I had left University but still couldn’t tell you who I was or where I was headed. All I knew was I was book smart and just wanted a job and in getting that job, make money, nothing more.

Nkiru Ogbuli of today is in between regular jobs but there is nothing you could tell me to bamboozle me. I’m not talking money. I am talking self-development,  self-awareness, self-confidence etc. If I were made to face the President of Nigeria today and speak on issues affecting women, or express any other opinion of mine, I would, without stuttering. Not 10+ years ago. I wouldn’t have conceived this thought!

That’s what age does to you as a woman. You have experience, wisdom, knowledge, strength, confidence, skills and above all the awareness of self. I doubt I could have been totally hoodwinked 10 years ago but I doubly doubt you could even begin to think about it now.  

The other day, a guy was attempting to “know me better”. He was asking all the sex related questions and that kind of vibe had taken over the conversation and I liked it too (10 years ago, I wouldn’t have admitted to liking such a conversation) but at some point, to redirect the discussion, I asked him to ask deeper questions. He then asked what my values, goals, dreams, aspirations and ambitions were.

Not deep enough for me but 10 years ago, I couldn’t have confidently answered. 10 years ago, I would have just fled! I would have concluded the guy was just after sex. Who cares what he is after now? It is about me these days. I make bold to say that it is what I want that would happen.

I am in tune with my whole being, sexuality included. I have embraced it and can talk freely about it and I will choose who to talk about it with. That’s another thing age blesses women with. The sexual desire and the ability to reject what you don’t care to be bothered with.

One might also be tempted to ask if it is every woman who would evolve thus. The answer is an empathic yes! If they want to. I was shy and borderline timid growing up. If I could evolve, every woman can.

Throw away all the lies you have been sold and live life as authentically as you can. Refuse to be held back by whatever age long misogynistic views you have heard for too long.

Grow, evolve and blossom. Your value doesn’t diminish with age but if you insist, then I, Nkiru Ogbuli am not in your category, unapologetically.

Have an awesome week!

By Joy Mfon Essien (For Lagos Metropolitan)

I remember everything leading to my 40th birthday. Changes in my thinking and understanding. I never stopped to process and understand these things but now, when I look back, I know better. 

40 is a major landmark, but the changes begin just before turning 40. Something happens in the life and mind of the 40-year-old woman that many do not understand. Many do not see it coming. Even the woman herself. It’s almost like a switch in your personality. A rebirth. A reawakening. Light. 

I want to divide this stage into two phases. The first phase is the evaluation phase. You evaluate everything. From your career to relationships, association, purpose, business, finances, and even marriage. You evaluate choices, beliefs, and norms…and analyse how well they’ve served you. And then you start discarding. Most times, when marriages are brought to the chopping block, those with faulty foundations never really survive it. 

The next phase comes with some illumination that brings about redirection and clarity. Now you know what you want, what you have to let go of, what hasn’t worked. You know what you deserve. You discover who you are and what you really do not have time and patience for. What you will no longer put up with, tolerate or continue to endure. If you’ve been treated badly, you discover your worth. It’s a solo process. You go through it alone. 

Many husbands are usually uncomfortable and somewhat scared at these changes, especially if they weren’t fantastic spouses to their partner and either start to complain or feel threatened.

For me, after my second phase of redirecting, two things stood out for me. The first thing was I wanted more. More than I was given. More than I was doing at the time. That feeling of operating below capacity wasn’t good. But I just knew I was made for more and I had allowed myself to remain in the shadows for so long. I had no business being in the shadows. As a single girl, I was never in the shadows. It was time to come out and shine. So, I started stretching myself for more. There were some things I used to do that I stopped doing. I went back to them. Others I had always wanted to do, I started doing. I started stretching for more. 

The second thing at this phase was growth. I can’t really explain it but I was also hungry for growth. I had these mental projections, and I saw myself at a place much higher than I currently was. New expressions. New opportunities. An explosion. I felt I deserved them, and I was ready for it. So I started saying yes to every opportunity that came my way that was in line with the kind of things I wanted. These included speaking engagements, writing gigs, learning some skills, etc.

One of my friends, at this stage, cut off her hair, picked up her master’s form, and went back to school. When I asked her about it, she said, she looked at herself turning 40 at the evaluation stage and saw so many dreams that weren’t realised. You know how marriage and childbirth can completely derail one. 

Another, who had a lifelong passion for shoemaking, evaluated her career, quit banking, and went fully into shoemaking. 

Some others reevaluate their relationships. Analyse their marriages and decide it’s time to walk away. If you ever wondered why divorce was higher at these ages or why it is women who mostly initiate it, here’s your answer. 

Let me very quickly add that at this stage, you can smell deception and manipulation from afar, so you’re not likely to easily be deceived anymore. 

You’re also focused on building what you have decided is most important to you. 

You do not care for anyone’s approval. 

You are more aware of yourself. 

You can manage your emotions better. You’re thinking more this time and not reacting easily to things like before. 

You are resilient. 

You are intentional about your relationships and who you have in your circle. 

You have accepted yourself, flaws, warts, and all. You do not get trapped in comparisons. 

You have a growth mindset. Always about how you can get and be better. 

After learning that you matter and deserve what is best, you prioritise yourself. 

You may have found purpose from the lessons you learned in the last season. 

Dear 40’s women and women about hitting 40, let’s clink our champagne glasses to this season. It’s going to be an interesting ride, I assure you. You’re in good company. 

 

Joy Mfon Essien is an Entrepreneur and the CEO, of Discover Essence Media, Millionaire Woman Soapworks and Delicioso Foods. Writer, TV presenter and producer, Wellness Coach and mom of two.

Culled from: Lagos Metropolitan

Turning 40

 

 

 

By Nkiru Ogbuli

The Reinvented Women Conference 2024, virtually hosted by Finewiners Network, has successfully brought together trailblazing women from Nigeria, Togo, South Africa and the United States, fostering a dynamic exchange of ideas and strategies. This year’s theme, “Fostering Sustainable Empowerment Through Strategic Partnerships,” challenged participants to forge collaborative relationships, while ensuring long-term success in their empowerment endeavours.

Inspiring Opening Remarks

Ambassador Emem Everest, CEO of Finewiners Network, warmly welcomed participants, noting the overwhelming attendance signifies a new era of women uplifting one another. “The success of one woman should inspire, not intimidate,” she emphasised, encouraging mutual support.

Keynote Address: Forging Strategic Partnerships

Dr. Elisha Attai, President and Founder of the African Women in Leadership Organisation, delivered a powerful keynote address. He stressed the importance of identifying like-minded partners, creating collaborative frameworks and focusing on lasting outcomes to build resilient systems.

Breakout Sessions: Sharing Experiences

During interactive breakout sessions, participants shared inspiring stories of collaboration, demonstrating significant progress in women’s support for one another.

Empowering Business Grants

Three deserving participants received cash gifts as business grants, selected based on punctuality and engaging contributions to the conference discussions.

Looking Ahead: Reinvented Women Conference 2.0

Mark your calendars for the expanded hybrid Reinvented Women Conference 2.0, scheduled for Q1 2025 in Abuja, Nigeria. This highly anticipated event promises even more impactful connections and empowerment opportunities.

By Nkiru Ogbuli

Welcome to the last day of September 2024.  For me, September is usually a good month for obvious reasons and in that spirit, no matter how the year had gone, I wipe the slate clean!

Has it been a smooth sail? Certainly not! But I refuse to dwell on the negatives. I refuse to complain about anything. I am taking a look back only to see the areas I need to work on, to correct anything I might have done wrong. I am moving forward with great enthusiasm and faith in God. I call on you, dear reader to do the same thing.

 Again, it doesn’t matter how the entire year has been. It is also a choice. You could choose to dwell on the wrongs but what good would that do you? Press forward with great hopes that things can change when you least expect. That’s one good thing about the unpredictable nature of life. It can change in an instant!

The most important thing I believe, is to take care of one’s health, explore every avenue of self-development so as to be ready to get into that position when it comes.

Take care of your health both mentally and physically. It is easier to neglect the mental aspect of health but it is to me, the most important. The mental controls the physical. Practice self-care. Make use of the resources available on the internet. There are lots of them. Seek help when it is beyond you.

Make a conscious effort to be better, healthier and alive. Life gets better. Just believe.

See you at the top!

 

By Nkiru Ogbuli

My birthday celebration two weeks ago was exceptional, but that’s not the primary focus.

 What’s intriguing is why a past acquaintance messaged me, expressing regret over missing my birthday. Upon inquiry, he cited seeing it on a shared platform and would have called, sent gifts, or taken me to dinner. I responded that it was fine, contrary to his expected enthusiasm, I could tell.

 He then shared his itinerary, how he was out of town, would be back next week and would call to arrange a dinner date. Ironically this mirrors my previous requests during our initial acquaintance which was ignored most of the time.

This behaviour is not uncommon but I was curious to know why it is so. If you have experienced the same thing or know someone who has passed or is passing through the same situation, then read on.

In a conversation with an AI Assistant, it revealed that the phenomenon is known as “the rebound effect” or “the law of reverse interest” and there are several psychological, social and behavioural factors that contribute to this. 

For the Psychological, ‘there is curiosity. When you withdraw, the other person may become curious about why you lost interest. Loss aversion too. Humans tend to value things more when they’re scarce or threatened. Pride and ego might set in. The person may feel challenged or motivated to regain your attention. And lastly, attachment styles where some individuals have anxious-preoccupied or insecure attachment styles, leading them to pursue when faced with distance.’

Social factors include ‘social proof. Here, your initial interest may have boosted their self-esteem, they may feel invested in the relationship and want to recoup their emotional investment, and the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO). They may worry about losing a potential connection.’

Lastly, the Behavioural factors. The Chase-Withdraw Pattern, which can create a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal and the Dopamine Release which is the thrill they get from the chase which can stimulate dopamine, making the person more interested.

As for why this happens, ‘they may misinterpret your withdrawal as a challenge or game, your distance may prompt them to reflect on their own feelings and changes in their life (e.g., break-up, stress) making them reevaluate your connection.’

In all of these, it is apparent that all the acquaintance does is all about them with little or no consideration for the other person. Now what does such a person do to protect themselves and prevent their feelings from being hurt? You start by setting clear boundaries, communicate your intentions, avoid mixed signals and prioritise self-care.

In my case, re-engagement seems harmless, and I’ll capitalise on the opportunity for a delightful evening.

Am I concerned about the motivations behind his renewed interest? No. The evening will be all about my own well-being. I intend to indulge in the finest cuisine and refreshments and subsequently retire to my bed. Clear boundaries will be established.

Do you have a similar experience with someone from your past or present? Have you been the person doing the chasing or have a contrary view of the subject matter? Kindly share.

Have a great week ahead!