Category: Our Blog

Believe it or not, women like you and I, women over 40 are still very much sexually active and some are experimenting exciting new ways of spicing up their sex lives. They are trying different kinds of sex toys, role-plays and brace up for this, orgies! Dem no dey gree for anybody again o!

Come back here! You’ve read sex and want to run away. You complain that your husband stays out late and you keep night vigils just so you can go through his phone when he is asleep, now you are running away because of only sex talk. You think your randy husband is running after young girls? I laugh in bedmatics! His mistress could probably be older than you.

I don’t make the rules so don’t judge me. Of the 1,000 40 to 70-year-old women questioned in a survey, more than a quarter said they had used a sex toy for the first time after turning 40. 24% said they had fantasized about another person for the first time after 40. When it comes to role-play, 15% admitted indulging and 16% have had their first one-night stand after turning 40! Sex in a public place has been tried by 12% and 6% have bedded someone whose name they didn’t know since turning 40. So you see, life truly begins at 40, to some their real sex life begins at 40 too.

You will be wrong if you think this is only a case of infidelity, that is why I need you to take this serious because it could save your marriage that is standing on one leg. Older couples are mutually getting in on the act and trying erotic role plays and use of sex toys, and I believe that this new-found confidence is behind this sense of mid-life adventure. At that age, they know their own mind and are prepared to ask for what they want. You are no more in your 20s and 30s where you are scared of being judged by your husband.

Shower and smell nice. Invest in good lingerie. Be spontaneous. Initiate sex. Teach him where and how to touch you. Talk dirty. Flirt. Send him naughty videos (not your own o!). Watch erotic movies together. Aunty, push your big belle one side and give am head inside car. Sorry, I’m digressing. As I was saying, spice up your sexual life, not every day missionary style, you are not a log of wood.

Why do you have to do all that? So you enjoy sex! When last did you have an orgasm? Real orgasm, not the one you fake so that oga will get up and allow you sleep. I mean a mind-blowing, leg shaking, tongue speaking orgasm? You deserve to experience it Aunty Christina. Sex with your husband is not a sin. It’s one of the benefits of marriage, not just to increase the Nigerian population. Man shall not live by bread alone, so waking up by 4am to prepare lunch will not stop him from cheating. I’m digressing again. This sex thing is for you, do it for you.

Let’s get back on track, older women are now very conscious of their health so they are exercising which is making them fit and energetic. Okay just look at our celebrities like Omotola, Kate, Linda and the likes, can you even begin to imagine their sex life? Dey play! Most women I’ve personally spoken to claim their sex drives didn’t change or is even higher than when they were younger and insisted, they now have the best sex of their lives! Most of them attribute it to an active lifestyle. Apart from exercising, they have  social lives, keeping their men on their toes. No be everybody wan lose better woman like Uncle Yuletide.

Our unmarried sisters are not taking the back seat either. Gone are the days when marriage was seen as a major achievement. Most single women over 40 have better sex lives than the married younger ladies. And if you think they all date married men, you are delulu like the Gen Z say. Eligible younger men are running after these women and are eating out of their palms so they don’t have time for your husbands, some of whom are deadbeats. Any woman who knows her worth and values herself, no matter the age will have her ideal man.

Most women in their mid-years are no more worried about a perfect body like they did in their 20s and 30s too. I saw a video online where a lady asked her friend if she had ever undressed in front of a man and he walked out because she didn’t have a perfect body and the answer was no! These women are accepting their bodies and realising that no matter their shape and size, they are the prize! They now know that true mind-blowing sex is only really possible when she learns to let go, when she is not bothered with the size of her stomach, breast, butt or cellulites. There is more to a woman that her looks!

Your spiritual head will not tell you this, but I’ll do the Lord’s work and tell you for free. If you don’t have a sex partner, get yourself a sex toy! You cannot even begin to imagine all the benefits of a good orgasm that can easily be gotten from a toy. If you need me to break down the benefits, kindly drop a comment.

Last night, a friend called me. After the usual pleasantries, we talked about the situation of things in the country, how everything has become so expensive. We concluded by thanking God for His provision and prayed to be able to afford them no matter how expensive they get.

She then heaved a huge sigh and told me how she had been seeing a familiar face around Station market (if you know Kaduna very well) and one day, she was moved to ask. You see, the lady sells okra. She added that the okra in her pan should not be more than two thousand Naira. She approached the lady and it turned out they were Secondary School classmates!

My friend works in a Government parastatal and has side businesses. Now, there was a former classmate selling okra by the rail lines! Long story short, the next time my friend went there, she gifted the lady a little cash in an envelope and says she avoids that route now because she had become somewhat of a celebrity to the women there and that the lady was always trying to gift her her wares.

Three years ago, my sister was sick and in the hospital. It got to a time that every night, there would be a scream and accompanying wailing. People were dying. At that point, our only prayer was for God to grant her healing and He did! Were we better than those whose loved ones died? I don’t think so. Were we praying more and were we more deserving? I doubt that. God’s ways are not ours!

We are so quick to lament our situations forgetting that where we are in life, is where many dream to be. When I catch myself trying to worry about certain things, I shake it off quickly and give thanks. It could be worse (God forbid). Nobody has it all. I repeat, nobody has it all, even the richest people on earth have wants. 

My prayer is for God to grant me good health and long life. I believe with those two, every dream of mine will come to fruition one day. For once there is life, there is hope. You pray the same for yourself, don’t you?

Do have a great week people. Keep hope alive and always give thanks.

Eno Essien is the Chief Executive Officer of Rheytrak Limited, a Vehicle Tracking and Recovery company licensed by the Nigerian Communications Commission (NCC), which she established fifteen years ago at the age of twenty five and with no prior work experience ever. She is the first licensed female CEO in the vehicle tracking industry in Nigeria.

Under her leadership, the company has consistently experienced steady and remarkable accomplishments and recorded an exceptionally high success rate in recovery of stolen vehicles from locations within and outside the Nigerian boundary.

A graduate of Microbiology from the University of Calabar, Eno Essien was a finalist at the first Bold Woman Award by Veuve Clicquot in Nigeria in 2022. She was recognised by The Guardian Newspaper as one of the women who made impact in 2019. She was also recognised by the Akwa Ibom State government, her home state, as an outstanding indigene in 2020.

Her commitment, diligence, and dedication to a job she absolutely loves, has earned her several awards locally and internationally. She has also graced the cover of several newspapers and magazines and has spoken at several conferences locally and internationally.

Eno Essien, a breast cancer survivor, rang the closing bell at the Nigerian Stock Exchange in commemoration of World Cancer Day in February 2020. In 1990 her father rang the closing bell at the Nigerian Stock Exchange – NSE, making history as the first father and daughter to perform the ceremonial bell ringing in Nigeria.

NEW YEAR, NEW ME!
By Emem Everest
 
What is a party or hangout without an alcoholic drink? If you’ve ever been to any of my parties you will agree that my goal is always to make sure no one remembers their last name, but it’s a new year and a new season in my life so I’m now semi #TeamNoAlcohol. Last year, I had two major embarrassing alcohol experiences, and I’ve been forced to act my age and be more responsible around alcohol this year. Don’t expect me to drink with you when next you come to my party but of course, I’m a good host so I must always provide drinks.
 
For now, finding a balance hasn’t been a problem because, like most Nigerians, I’m denying the ‘flesh’ of several things, including alcohol. But the 21-day fasting period is slowly coming to an end (this fasting is a topic for another day), and I’m beginning to think about my new lifestyle plan. Will finding a healthy balance not be a challenge? Please avoid my post if you are #TeamOnlyWater. I personally believe people who drink only water from January to December…I reserve my comment. I can’t drink just water and stay off soda too, I will have to be drinking green tea and lemon water like a fish.
 
Anyways, back to our gist, on most people’s ‘new year, new me list’ is boldly written, ‘NO ALCOHOL’, and I would love to be one of them knowing that as I grow older, I need to prioritize my well-being and strive for healthier choices… But I don’t know how long it will last so let me work on just reducing my intake for now. First, I won’t drink without company. Secondly, if I must drink alcohol in public, it must be a glass of wine or a cocktail. If I come to your house, please don’t allow the devil to use you, just give me fresh juice or water. Thank you in advance because this year, I must enjoy all the benefits of reducing alcohol consumption.
 
While I was thinking about my decision on alcohol, I heard that reducing alcohol consumption among other benefits helps in managing weight, improves physical and mental wellbeing, and saves money! Ah!!!! Imagine going to a lounge, and all you need to buy are cocktails and finger food! No whiskey, No Vodka, Nothing! I’m probably going to buy a new car this year by just reducing alcohol!
 
But seriously, at over 40, I’m no more the young university girl who could party all night and then go straight into a morning lecture the next day. Now, if I consume too much alcohol, I need at least two full days to reboot my system because it needs more time to process whatever I consume so I have to carefully make the right choices for my body. This year is all about me, it’s all about consciously making choices that will make me an all-round better person.

What is it that you have to let go of this year or at least reduce? Make that decision today because no one is coming to do it for you.

HOW ARE YOU REALLY?
By Nkiru Ogbuli

I know you must have been asked how you are, severally. As Nigerians, it is a normal part of greeting. “Good morning.” “How are you?” Normal. But it has become scary for Nigerian men to ask ladies this question because when they do, it provides an opportunity to list all the problems they (ladies) have in the world. It is recipe for outright billing.

Now true confession: I’ve done this twice in my entire life. Once when a 60 something year old man, single, according to him, was looking to get married. He said he fell head over heels in love at first sight and kept calling his friends to come and meet the lady they were going to accompany him to Anambra to marry.

In fact, in one of our conversations, his exact words, “Nkiru,  come and rule my household.” Well, haven’t I always known I was destined to rule? Nkiru the ruler! One time he called and asked how I was and I said I wasn’t fine. He asked what the matter was, and I said I was broke. He told me to send my account number, that he was going to send someone to the bank the next day.

After we ended the call, I was troubled. I had done what I had never done before! I almost called him back to tell him I was joking because truth be told, I wasn’t broke. On a second thought, I was curious to see how generous he was, for claiming to want to marry someone he was older than by more than twenty years.

Ladies and gentlemen, that didn’t end well. Keep in mind that I am someone who shows deep appreciation for the littlest gift or act of kindness. I was brought up to know that nobody owes me anything in this world but when I saw that alert, my mind went to war with itself. For a man who was in the habit of bragging about buying shoes in thousand of dollars? I felt cheap!

I quickly called my cousin and told her I was going to call this man to find out where he got the idea that that was money that would solve any problems of mine and ask to return the money. Long story short, as of today, nobody is ruling anybody’s household. If you are going for a lady who can pass as your daughter, you my friend need to show working. There’s no other way to say this and I am not materialistic.

The second time was just 2 days ago. As an events’ compere, I meet a lot of big people and they keep calling. I was woken up by a call. He went, “MC, how are you?” I blurted an outright, “I am not fine sir!” “Send me your account number. This January is dry, I know.” Ah! Just ust like that? Wow! I can see why any lady would want to be asked that question then!

All jokes and stories aside now. When you ask someone how they are, do you really want to know? When someone asks how you are, do you think they really care? Anybody can gift you money with the hopes of getting something in return, if you get what I mean but do they really care?

I have a friend who would always ask how I am and I would say fine, and the discussion would continue. In the middle of the conversation, he would pause to ask, “Nkiru, how are you really?” Five, six years back, I would rant and rant and rant about how bad things were and he would give me words of encouragement. Note that to every other person, I was this beautiful On Air Personality that had it all together.

After the hangout, he would ask to pay the bills using my ATM card. He would then transfer money to my account in excess of the bills. That always went a long way for me. He still asks till today, only that when he does, I tell him how things are much better now, how things are looking up, how even though there are minor setbacks, I am positive it would only be for a short period of time.

Do you have that someone who you feel wants to know how you really are? Are you that someone to another person? Not everything is about money you know? Show genuine concern to someone today. If you are a known ‘biller’, leave that billing mentality for a few days…at least! Just call to know how they are. Pause to ask how they really are. You might be the only outlet they have.

I tell you, you are lucky if you have one person who really wants to know how you really are, not just for the sake of asking and you are doing something right if you can get someone to really open up to tell you how they really are, without looking to bill you.

That said, tell me in the comment section, how are you really?

Have a great week my people!

AGING LIKE FINE WINE
By Nkiru Ogbuli

Have you noticed how gracefully women age these days? Take a good look around and you will see that women in their 40s, and 50s could pass for being in their 30s.

I belong to a group on Facebook and it was time to post pictures according to years of birth. I was pleasantly shocked to see pictures of women born in the 70s. If it were a competition and I, the judge, I would have handed the trophy to the 1977s. Some of them could pass for my younger sisters!

Now, don’t ask my age but if you are that curious, my parents got married in the 80s and I am not the first child. Let’s stay on the subject matter while the ‘amebos’ continue with the mathematics. Lol.

The fact remains that women are aging gracefully and have become bolder in stating their actual ages. Yes, there are still women who do not believe their ages should be public knowledge, I for instance, but they do not also claim to be younger. They just would not tell you and they are well within their rights not to but that brings us to yet another set of women who would not only lie about their ages but do so boldly in the midst their childhood friends. Haba Aunty!

Just the other day, we were having this conversation and the name of a popular Nollywood actress came up. She had just turned “40” and someone said give or take, that lady was not younger than 45. They had attended school together. I was left wondering why she had to lie because going by the factors we adjudged the reasons for people shaving good years off their ages, this person was good in all ramifications. Well, except maybe for marriage. She had been married and divorced. Still!

Let’s take underachievement for example. This lady could be considered an overachiever and very beautiful for the said 45. So what was her reason? If we say ‘the age for employment into the Nigerian workforce’ (subject for an entirely different conversation), she would never have to apply for any job, so again I ask, what was her reason?

I remember when Linda Ikeji turned 40 and stated so. It caused a buzz on the social media because we weren’t accustomed to popular single women ever agreeing they were 40. The argument for, was that Linda had achieved a lot for a 40 year old and that anybody age shaming her would have to think twice.

I think it is time we began to be grateful for being alive first and foremost. Every other thing is secondary. If you look around and see that some of your mates are no more, it should elicit gratitude. But if we still insist on hiding our actual ages, can we agree not to make mockery of ourselves by celebrating ages that are not ours publicly or should I just mind my business?

On a lighter note, have you noticed that the 30+ jokes on social media have drastically reduced? 30s have caught up with everybody! The jokes are gradually shifting to the 40+. They say you guys, (40+) take things too seriously. Lol. Not to worry, 40s will soon catch up with everybody and maybe we would shift the jokes to the 50s, like that, like that.

Let’s celebrate life more than anything else. It is a huge privilege to be alive at any age.

Have a great week!

TO WAKE UP AT 4:30AM TO COOK OR NOT TO?
by Nkiru Ogbuli

I had the sweetest two months relationship in 2023. In that relationship, I felt like I was loved body, mind and soul. He worked so hard but was not getting the best when it came to meals. His house help, he had one, so I could have just chosen to cross legs, do my nails every week as he loved it…ermmm…I digress. I told him I got the food part and he really knew what I meant by that in those two months.

Now, I am someone who loves to cook. I will always find time to cook because I love good food but will never cook for fools. My special ingredient when I cook is love and so not everybody will get to taste meals I make. Apologies to one or two persons who might see this, I never cooked for you but you were no fool. It didn’t just happen.

I am also not in any position to tell any woman what to do, how to do it and when to do it in her own home. Not my call.

For me, FEMINISM is about the right to make choices. Choosing to do whatever you want to do, how you want to do it and when you want to do it, as long as it does no harm to the other person. The same choice as is available to any other human being of any gender.

When you are forced to do something, then it becomes a problem. In that problem, you also have a choice to do or not to!

I saw my own mother cook from night till morning because the fridge had to be stock for the week. Will I do same? No! Because I am not a 9-5er. Again, I love good food, I will always find time to cook but I will NEVER do an all night cooking session.

Madam cooks for her husband to take for lunch, became lazy but had to shrug off that laziness and wake up every 4:30am just because a colleague brought two spoons to work! I would to laugh but it isn’t funny. Again, it is not any business of mine but once again, it is giving the “cheap nature of men”. That even the men don’t see!

How that became a “huge” issue so much so that Government agencies that have no business meddling in petty social media trends hopped on just to get cheap accolades lends credence to how mediocre we are as a people.

We will be alright one day.

Remember not to ask me what happened to the relationship. We go again this year. When I find him, I will still not wake up by 4:30am to cook for him just because he might be stolen from me with ordinary food!

The Heart of the Matter
By Nkiru Ogbuli.

Happy new year to you prospective ardent reader. I can assure you that you would be back for more.

I was conflicted on what to title this segment. Matters of the Heart came to mind. With that, I reasoned, it would be tailored towards just love matters. The Heart of the Matter will have a wider scope but I pray that this year love doesn’t show you ‘shege’. Time to use your head!

As grown women, may we do things differently. It’s time for self. Self love, self awareness, self improvement and with it, self confidence.

Discover yourself more this year. It is time to keep your own rules. Keep at the back of your mind that what you don’t have, you can not give to another.

I pray above all things that you keep an open mind. The benefits of open mindedness are numerous. It will help you avoid conflicts as much as possible because you when you understand and respect people’s perspectives and boundaries, you become more willing to accept and work with them on that basis. It also makes room for empathy and compromise.

Happy New Year guys. Let’s celebrate because this is going to be a year filled with great things.

Cheers!

Dear Finewiners Team,

Happy New Year! As we begin 2024, I want to take a moment to express my deepest gratitude to each of you. Your dedication, creativity, and hard work have been the driving forces behind our success.

Reflecting on the last 3 months of 2023 when we started Finewiners Network, I am profoundly grateful for your invaluable contributions towards all our events, the maiden edition dinner, the zoom meeting, the Arabian tea hangout, the Ending GBV workout and the end of year party at Mpape.

Your collaborative spirit is what made us come out strong and as we look forward to 2024, let us carry forward this momentum with renewed enthusiasm and ambition. The future holds exciting challenges and opportunities, and I am confident that together, we will continue to achieve greater heights.

Wishing you and your families a joyful, prosperous, and Happy New Year!

Warm regards,

Emem Everest
CEO