By Nkiru Ogbuli
This wasn’t supposed to be the title of this article. It was supposed to be in the lines of “How My Relationship With Money Changed.” The Psychology of Money is the title of an excellent book written by Morgan Housel. It was a gift given to me by Finewiners Network CEO Amb. Emem Everest and one which I consider the best gift I have received this year yet.
Before now, it was unheard-of that I was reading any book that talks about money. In fact, I hated money discussions. I hated (still do) bargaining and haggling prices. I didn’t like any programme on TV that talks about money. I frowned that I had to be a Business News Anchor years ago but it was still manageable because I didn’t have to do any analysis. Mine was just to read.
So you can imagine how bad my relationship with money was. I didn’t really keep money. I felt like money was to be spent. So, as much as I wasn’t broke because I lived within my means, I didn’t really have much. My sister’s illness in 2020 jolted me back to reality. There was a need to start saving. I told God things needed to change and change they did.
After that year, it was as if God heard me. Money started coming. I wouldn’t say I was super rich, but the Muslims would say “Alhamdullilah.” The more the money came, the more I still felt the need to spend. To take care of my desires and addictions (well, not drugs thankfully), give money gifts to my loved ones, buy plane tickets even when I didn’t need them, etc. In all of these, I spent more than I saved but I still managed to save.
Then in 2022, I lost an aunt. It was a time of retrospection and I asked myself what the point was. Mind you, I had lost my father and my maternal grandma and those two people were the closest losses I had suffered but somehow, my aunt’s death made death realer and closer. Maybe because of the circumstances surrounding her death.
My dad died much younger than my aunt. In fact he was on the verge of retirement when he died. His death would have been prevented by making lifestyle changes. He died of ulcer. Yes, something as common as ulcer. My grandma on the other hand, lived till the age of 94. Those two, though one died younger, they lived life to the fullest. They enjoyed life!
My aunt suffered a great deal. She was supposed to have come to a time of enjoyment and rest when she died in a cruel manner at the hands of her so called husband. This made my relationship with money change yet again. I asked what the point was. I went back to spending as it came. Maybe saving here and there but investing? No way!
This year, I decided that couldn’t continue. Even if death was going to come, I should have something set aside for the people I love to easily conduct a burial without having to run from pillar to post. To at least be good for a few good months. I was doing great. The fact that I started reading the book “The Psychology of Money” and picking wonderful lessons from it, was a pointer that I was walking towards the right direction.
Over the weekend, I discarded most the lessons I had learned and allow myself to be to be ruled by ego. Somewhere in Morgan Housel’s book, I am sure it talks about that. I haven’t read it in say a week. Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have made that horrible decision but the closest I can relate to this, is in Chapter 9: Wealth is What You Don’t See. With the rider, “Spending money to show people how much money you have is the fastest way to have less money.”
For me, the lesson from last weekend is, never allow yourself be drawn into a battle of egos with anybody much less strangers.
“A battle of egos is a phrase used metaphorically to describe competitions that are based on pride and often entail prodigious and arrogant demonstrations of prowess.” – Wikipedia
I hope to write the conclusion of this article next week even though I still feel horrible for what happened. I don’t know if I can ever tell the story publicly but there are lessons here. Take them. Till next week, do have a great money week ahead. Not much of a money week though because the Sallah holiday is around the corner. Apply wisdom!