VALENTINE’S DAY IS COMING, KIKI IS STILL SINGLE

VALENTINE’S DAY IS COMING, KIKI IS STILL SINGLE

By Nkiru Ogbuli

Most of the time, I am single. Single to stupor in fact, but people always assume I am not. Might go on dates, but nothing serious. Reasons are: I hardly connect with people mentally/intellectually, socially too and then there’s the sexual attraction. It is hard! I mean really hard! These connections have to be there. And when I try to make do with what is available, it never works in the long run so, for me, it is better to be single.

On the 1st day of 2024, someone questioned my sexuality yet again. Yet again because, it is not a new thing. In their minds, once a guy is single and indicates interest, you should just jump at it because ‘age is not on your side’. Quite laughable. I have worked on myself over the years and I know what I want. If you must get me to have a relationship with you, you have to come with some level of IQ and EQ. Then have some money. For the last part, we just cannot be on the same level even though I know I will hardly ask you for anything. Questioning a lady’s sexuality because she is not into you is dumb and senseless. Those two qualities are not attractive.

A friend of mine (female) believes the reason I hardly connect with people is because of the kinds of men I go for. In her exact words, “The problem with you is that you go for men who have seen it all.” This was with regards to a relationship I had in 2023 which ended earlier than I expected. It was a wholesome one and so when it came to an abrupt end, it was quite unsettling. He was divorced, in his early fifties, three kids, had everything go for him, seemingly.

Point of correction I pointed out, men who have seen it all come for me. I also had to ask her what sort of men I would have gone for, given say, my age and level of exposure? You have to inspire me, be everything steps ahead of me. We are not about to start from the scratch, no! I don’t have that luxury anymore. That’s the truth. I’d rather be ‘scratching’ alone.

On new year’s, I spoke with someone from my past. He is a widower with 3 children. He wants to remarry but cannot seem to trust anybody because according to him, it is hard to tell who is real and who is gold digging. He says he can only trust people he knew when he had nothing. I asked him if he trusts me and he replied, a hundred percent. I asked if I was ready for marriage, if he would marry me. He said, ‘without a second thought’. Problem is, I don’t think he is the one for me. I am not convinced. Being undoubtedly certain I am guessing is really important in making the decision for who becomes one’s life partner. Right or wrong?

So, being single for some of us, is not because there are no options or that people are not asking. If I have stayed single for this long, I should not make a mistake. I am not afraid that I am getting older or that the dating pool for people of a certain age is becoming a puddle. There’s a man for every woman at whatever age. The question is, while you are waiting, are you doing any sort of self-development so that when you meet him and vice-versa, it would be so obvious?

My only real concern I have to be honest too, is if I will still be of child bearing age when mine eventually finds me. Then there is the scientific advancement in that area too. We could also adopt or he would already have his who would become mine too. Again, my friends have also noted how I attract men with kids and I don’t mind that at all. I love kids who are well behaved but the curiosity to know how beautiful, intelligent, sassy, outgoing, friendly, kindhearted, caring, compassionate and open minded mini mes who bear my DNA and have my orientation would be, will always be there.

That said, as single as I am, I started spoiling myself since Sunday. I am extra like that. Lol. I treated myself to some grilled Tilapia and grape juice. Yum! Today, I’ll shop for some nice perfumes for myself later in the day. I love love perfumes! Tuesday, not sure yet, but has to be something special. Then on Valentine’s day, I will go out to a place I love for their Ladies Night, listen to some live band music, eat some isi ewu (goat head delicacy) and have a drink or two. Something sweet.  Plans could change though. You know how you might think you are single but someone thinks you are in a relationship with them? Well…

If you are single, like me, do something special for yourself on that day. Mustn’t be something big or expensive. Self love is key. You can not find happiness in others if you are not already happy in yourself. If you are in a relationship or married, have fun and make the day a memorable one for him or her. Remember to show love to your significant others everyday too not just on Valentine’s day. Let’s not also forget to show love to people less fortunate than we are. It is crucial.

Happy Valentine’s day in advance. How do you intend to spend the day? (Winks)