HAPPY STORIES ONLY: THE FINEWINERS’ WAY

By Nkiru Ogbuli

This was inspired by a write-up I saw on Facebook titled: Women Should Not Be Victims by Osa Osenaga. Feel free to check her out but let me forewarn that her write-ups are not for the faint-hearted. Be that as it may, in that particular post, she  alluded that there was a time when “women thought it was cute to gather themselves in women’s only spaces, clubs, meetings, online groups just to trauma dump on one another,  by narrating stories of woe”.

She further noted how that was no longer acceptable and it got me going “Yes! Yes! Yes!” to every sentence! I reflected on every outing we have had as Finewiners Network. Every gathering has been for either a member’s celebration, say birthdays, a sit out, a fun night out, game night, etc. Sadly too, we have had outings to mourn the death of one of us. May the soul of our Queen Mother Amb. Uyi continue to rest in peace. Amen.

True to the words of the writer, there has never been a Finewiners gathering where we bonded over traumas from relationships with men. We never discuss men. Among Finewiners are women from all walks of life, some married, divorced, single, mothers, those trying to conceive etc. When we meet, none of these take center stage in our discussions. Every woman is an individual on her own.

Finewiners indeed as a sisterhood has gotten the memo that trauma dumping and bonding is so outdated and it is time each and every woman realises that it is such a waste of their precious lives living in sad situations and expecting that other women would care to listen to their sad stories about men. It is time to put on your big girl pants!

We have indeed moved past “my boyfriend beats me or my husband cheats on me with multiple women” stories. But just incase someone out there is still in that era, this is where you should practice self-preservation. 

Self preservation means that you take instinctual or intentional actions to protect yourself from harm, danger, or adversity. You have to take seriously your own well-being, safety, and survival, in response to a perceived threat or challenging situation.

It is on you to set boundaries, avoid toxic situations or relationships, prioritise your physical and mental health and seek support from loved ones or professionals in cases that are beyond you. You can engage in self-care activities, develop coping mechanisms and  decisions that align with your values and goals.

It is very important that you explore every avenue to self preserve. It is not selfish; it’s a vital aspect of self-love and self-respect. By prioritising your own well-being, you can better navigate life’s challenges and cultivate a more fulfilling existence.

That said, as Finewiners, we will be intentional about holding one another to a higher standard moving forward when it comes to self-preservation. There is always a choice! You can remove yourself from a situation that threatens your physical, emotional and financial well-being. That is not to also say you cannot share what you are going through with your Finewiners sisters but we are not about to bond over traumas. We will hold your hands to leave any situation that threatens your being. No trauma bonding, I reiterate.

 Let’s continue to create happy stories. You only need to remove people and move on from situations that make you unhappy.

My motto this year has been: If it is not serving me, it has to go. So far so good. There no room for patching and managing. Any engine that starts and quenches at intervals, needs serious repairs and I am no mechanic.

Congratulations Finewiners Network. We have all have been great. Let’s keep it up!

Have a great week ahead!